You’re heavy in my arms now, your legs hang limp and pass my hips. You snuggle your face into my neck, its near sleep, the only time you’re not pushing and lurching to explore. I pause for a few minutes these days, at this time and just breathe in your sweetness, I can feel your babyhood slipping away. Months more and you’ll be running around, a toddler, then a child. I don’t know how this time has gone so fast, but here we are.
They all said it would be true, that this first year would fly by. But its hard to imagine such a thing in the depths of newborn life. But then suddenly, they’re crawling around on the floor in front of you and responding to their name. And you don’t know how it happened. It’s wonderful, and heart wrenching. I look at her now and know with more certainty than I’ve known anything else in my life that having her was the best choice we could have made. The sun rises and sets with her, for these brief moments we’re the center of her world, and she ours. I know it won’t, and can’t always be this way. But I’m cherishing the time that it is. Babies are hard, but they are like falling in love over and over again. Everyday. It’s so exciting, and new, and ever-changing. It certainly isn’t always joyful or easy, but we also got lucky, and most days are wonderful. It helps to no longer be sleep deprived.
When I think over my life, and think of times when I was the happiest, or most fulfilled it was during times of feeling connected to the world, to something greater than myself. Either through the grind of education, or the thrill of travel. Feeling small, but part of something large feels deeply satisfying. Having a baby feels this way too. It feels fundamentally right, and good to give so much to another person. To be part of a community of families, all on the mission of raising the next generation, and supporting each other through each stage. I’m lucky to know so many awesome moms navigating the trenches with me.
The last two months have been pretty momentous. Not long after six-months she started the slow process of army crawling, that by 7.5 months transitioned into full crawling. The world has opened up so much to her, she eats food, and nearly anything we give her. She is starting to express preferences and likes by showing excitement. She’s very interested in other babies, and fluffy dogs. Still not a fan of men with beards. Or men, generally. We went to Nashville and Atlanta where she ate BBQ and met my friends. So far, she’s been an excellent traveler and it’s such a joy to be able to show her the world and introduce her to people and places we love. I know this will become even better as she gets older and she can interact more with her surroundings. Of course, then perhaps we might also have to chase after her. But that’s ok, we’re runners, we can use the sprint practice. But we’re so excited to rediscover the world through her eyes.
It’s hard sometimes, thinking about how big she’s getting, and how fleeting this time that we will never get back is. But it’s also so exciting to think of all the things that are right around the corner, and how they really do just get more and more fun. I completely understand why people want more kids. I was not a baby person, and aside from Wren I’m still not really. But I fully anticipate having baby fever in a few years, when her infancy is well beyond us. But for now, we’re just enjoying watching her grow and learn a bit more everyday.