She’s here! Born 10/23 in the early afternoon. Insert here the overwhelming sense of love mixed with indescribable life altering feelings of having a newborn. Truly, words would be inadequate. In reality, neither of us knew how’d we react, we knew sometimes it took time to bond with your baby, and that it would be ok if that were true for us. But, from the moment she entered the world, we were absolutely done for. It’s clichéd to be sure, but for reason-the feeling in that moment was like my heart left my body and was handed back to me in the form of a baby. Our baby.
The universe granted me with a relatively easy labor. I didn’t have many expectations going into it other than top priority: healthy baby. Second to that: no c-section and ideally not terrible (give me the drugs!). Which is exactly what happened. Because I had the worlds best placed epidural I was absolutely shocked when they told me we were ready to push. The playlist Alex had on was apparently playing Mumford and Sons, though I can’t remember there being any music. It was such an out of body experience. And then, suddenly, there she was, screaming and placed on my chest. People talk about the day their children being born being the happiest in their lives. I wouldn’t describe it that way because it feels like an inadequate word to describe the shift that I felt. It was like in this split moment of in-between where our lives transitioned from “before Wren” to “after Wren.” It was exceedingly happy yes, but it was also a fundamental shift in reality, in the most overwhelmingly joyful way. Further, watching the person I love the most in this world fall instantly in love with this brand new person we made together was one of the best moments of my life. I used to think people were being hyperbolic when describing how they felt when their children were born. Now I don’t think that’s possible. It was more than I ever could have asked or hoped for.
We spent the next few days in the hospital in a flurry of recovery, tests, and adrenaline. We were happy to go home. She has thus far proved to be a pretty easy, happy (and hungry) baby and we’re adjusting (thus far) really well. Disrupted sleep is obviously no fun but it’s also not so bad at least, not yet anyway. And there’s always the reassurance that nothing is forever. Unfortunately, including how small she is. We’ve already gone on a few outings, which feel monumental. This period feels vaguely familiar to coming home from a long time abroad, everything is refreshed-going to the store feels new again, not just part of the routine. As people who thrive in these sort of life “resets” or disruptions I find the break in routine exhilarating. I could also be delirious from waking up every three hours. Who knows. It really is the longest shortest time right now. So soon she’ll be 8-weeks and beginning to develop a personality far beyond “sleepy” or “hungry.” And yet that feels ages from now, impossibly far. Of course it’ll be here before we know it. One week ago I was sitting on the couch wondering when this baby would make their appearance. That one week seems positively like a lifetime ago.
We’re trying to soak in every moment. Every expression she makes, all her little sounds, the way her tiny body feels against our chests. I could stare at her for hours. It’s absurd. We’re so incredibly smitten with her and so excited for everything that comes next. Excited for all the developmental milestones, to learn who she is, her preferences and quirks. I’m torn between wanting her to stay tiny forever and aching to watch her grow into her own person. For the next several weeks my plan is to live in this new space, not quite re-entering the real world yet, but instead relishing this time together until we feel ready to slowly enter back into it. We feel so lucky to have such a strong support system of family and friends nearby that allow us this time to focus completely on her. Even when Alex has to go to work next week knowing family and friends are right there makes a world of difference.
Next up: Put a tiny pumpkin hat on her head on for Halloween.