This is the absurdly awesome library in Trinity College Dublin, where I will be starting my Masters degree in just over a month. I’m pretty sure kids with capes mill about here…
I’m really, very excited to start my degree. And of course, MOVE to EUROPE. It’s a culmination of my interests I’ve garnered since deciding medicine was certainly not for me. So it feels good, after three years of searching for something resembling a purpose to now have a clear directive.
Thing is…I’m totally freaked out. I’m not going to lie. I have a million things running through my mind, including the ever present thought of “I haven’t been in school for three years and might not be able to function properly on an academic level.” And my program appears to be chock full of students who greatly surpass my own experience. They are an international group of impressiveness. Not to mention, for someone who becomes paralyzed by fear at the mere suggestion of words such as “commitment” or “routine” or “deadline” I feel an immediate sense of panic. What I fear most in life is being sucked into a vortex of continued obligation and routine in which I wake up a decade from now realizing I’ve essentially been asleep and can’t remember what happened. And so, I have been unconsciously looking of outs, reasons to avoid this specific commitment.
Thing is, I actually really, really love this program. For the first time in my own academic history I got so excited about the recommended reading I immediately ordered a few on amazon, then checked compulsively to see when they might arrive. Truly, I can’t wait to delve into a field I’m immensely passionate about. And not only that, but I get to move to Europe, something I’ve been wanting to do since the first time I stepped foot there way back when with my childhood best friend. AND, best of all I get to share all this with Alex, as he embarks on his own new adventure in Medical School at the Royal College of Surgeons. Life couldn’t be better. What the heck am I whining about?
So why all this apprehension? You might argue it’s normal. After all I’m uprooting myself and moving semi-permanatly across the world to a country I’ve never visited. But I’m pretty sure it’s not that, that sounds thrilling! I suppose this fear simply suggests I’m challenging myself, I know I’m going to be far out of my comfort zone. And that is a good thing. How else am I supposed to grow as a person? But still, I really wish all those nagging uncertainties would quiet themselves just a bit. After all, and did I mention, I’m MOVING TO EUROPE!?! And how awesome is that? I just have to convince that little naysayer in the back of my mind to simmer down a bit, it’s all going to be OK. At the very least, it’s going to be an adventure, and life altering adventure is what I live for.
So on to Dublin! I can only assume someone will be waiting at customs with a Guinness in hand. That’s what they do there right?