As I write this I’m watching a desk being put together, a room coming together, and the chaos of moving slowly dissipating. The life of two, fit snugly into a u-haul. It feels like only yesterday I moved into the most recent Pasadena apartment, but that was six months ago. And now, I’m 400 miles away. I thought I would be at least a little upset with moving, and while saying goodbye to people and places is always hard, it has become to me, disturbingly easy. Home has ceased to be a physical place, but a mental state of familiarity and comfort. Transition has become my “home.” I feel little attachment to a physical location, but rather of memories and people, and no matter where I am, there are plenty of memories and friends to be made. Continue reading
Signing up for this trip a year ago it sort of felt like it would never actually happen. Now, I’m leaving in less than 24 hours. I’m extremely excited, not too nervous now, though I’m sure that will change. I’m trying my best to not make a big deal out of this, even if it is. It seems perfectly normal to fly off for three months to a foreign country to volunteer, mostly because I feel that most people I know (mainly UPSers) have done something like this, or study abroad, or both! So it doesn’t feel that unique, which actually helps a lot. What I’m not excited for would be the 10 hour flight followed by the 8 hour flight!
Just said goodbye to my Dad and Sister, this has been a hard week! I already miss them =(
Now it’s just my Mom and I until tomorrow.
The day after tomorrow, I will be on my way to Africa. The emotions that statement evokes are difficult to describe. Most accurately; anxiety, fear, excitement, sadness, and elation all mixed together. I feel a bit in a daze, the reality of it all hitting me hard this morning. I know, it’s only three months, many students have done study abroad for the same amount of time (if not longer), and I’m not going into the peace corps (27 months!), but it’s still Africa, and it still scares me. Part of me just wants to be on that plane already! the anticipation is almost too much to handle, and at the same time I don’t want to leave the comfort of the US.
Today I had to say my first goodbye, to Alex. It was, of course extremely difficult. I am still very excited for Tanzania, and Alex has been a big part of why I am able to do this trip, his encouragement has helped give me the strength I’ve needed to go through with this. For anyone who has known me in the past, large commitments such as this have always been hard for me, I need to be %100 sure of what I’m about to do, and generally I never feel %100 sure about much. But, in this case I know that however hard it is to say goodbye to those I love, and it has and will continue to be very hard, it will be worth it! I keep telling myself that it’s only 12 weeks, a summer. And I can do this, I’ve been on my own before. I do know nothing but good will come from this, now to get those obnoxious emotions in check.
And to Alex, thank you so much for everything you’ve given me, I’m so blessed to have you in my life, Nakupenda and I can’t wait to see you in November.